Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons : How to Find Your Soul Mate

Average customer rating:

Helpful and solid

Follow this book's advice and cancel your eHarmony account

Didn't read the book, but...

Sincere & straight forward

Excellent advice for people who want to get serious

Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons : How to Find Your Soul Mate
Ken Abraham , and Neil Clark Warren
Manufacturer: Amazon Remainders Account
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
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ASIN: B000FL88X0

Amazon.com

Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.com—an Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find "true love" rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that "broad-based compatibility" is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love offers 29 "dimensions of compatibility" to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. That's fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction.

Warren begins with weeding out bad characters. "If one of the partners in a relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship." Even if you're not the victim of these behaviors, you will be, claims Warren. So run, don't walk from the relationship. Seems like obvious common sense. Yet advice columnist are constantly answering letters from unhappily married men and women, complaining about these very forms of broken trust. Warren also encourages readers to stop ignoring the early "red flags" of addictive personalities and psychological issues, such as chronic depression. Demand that the partner commit to professional help before you go any further with the relationship, he advises. Other compatibility issues include anger management, sexual passion, and family planning.

While his advice is solid, it is conservative. For instance, he does not address homosexual love or allow homosexual partnering on his web site. Also, most of the discussion is geared toward traditional marriage as the final goal. --Gail Hudson

Book Description

Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.com#151;an Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find "true love" rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that "broad-based compatibility" is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love offers 29 "dimensions of compatibility" to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. That's fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction.- Warren begins with weeding out bad characters. "If one of the partners in a relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship." Even if you're not the victim of these behaviors, you will be, claims Warren. So run, don't walk from the relationship. Seems like obvious common sense. Yet advice columnist are constantly answering letters from unhappily married men and women, complaining about these very forms of broken trust.- Warren also encourages readers to stop ignoring the early "red flags" of addictive personalities and psychological issues, such as chronic depression. Demand that the partner commit to professional help before you go any further with the relationship, he advises. Other compatibility issues include anger management, sexual passion, and family planning. While his advice is solid, it is conservative. For instance, he does not address homosexual love or allow homosexual partnering on his web site. Also, most of the discussion is geared toward traditional marriage as the final goal. --Gail Hudson

Customer Reviews:

Helpful and solid.......2007-07-18

Although I normally avoid this kind of book, I found this one to be very helpful...so much so, that I've ordered copies for two people who wanted to borrow my copy (because I didn't want mine to disappear).
Although some reviewers of this book have complained that it "seemed like an ad for eharmony" I felt that the discussion of the research that went into the development of the 29 dimensions provided the evidence I needed and gave the balance of the book credibility. If you are a cut-to-the-chase person, skip the first 50 pages, but if you have a skeptical and analytical bent, you will find the initial discussion helpful in weighing what they have to say about each dimension as they go through the remainder of the book. They don't really pull punches and their breakdown of the dimensions into categories was very helpful. It really helps to clarify what's being "too picky" and what's holding out for the right relationship.
Incidentally, there is stuff in here that no one I know ever thought was important to be matched on, but that I watch friends struggle over in their relationships and didn't understand why.

Follow this book's advice and cancel your eHarmony account.......2007-03-11

Neil wrote a fine book with good advice. The most helpful section was the first screening dimension: Good Character. "Character matters!"

My own and others' horrific experiences with eHarmony (passive aggressive and/or nonexistent customer service, fraudulent guarantees, questionable "matching" practices, low number of matches--zero globally for many weeks!, and charlatan billing practices), lead me to believe that Neil's company suffers from bad character.

Let us follow Neil's advice: "Watch out for signs that reveal a diminished sense of conscience. People who willfully and regularly lie, exaggerate, or cheat have no regard for the rights of others. They will pay little attention to how their actions impact you, as long as they get what they want....A person with a character disorder has mastered the art of putting on a facade of social acceptability. He knows how to gain your confidnece and that of other people. The person with a character disorder is often a smooth talker, a charmer, a person who knows how to say just the right thing to get what he wants."

Neil, eHarmony can change for the better if you genuinely want it to and are willing to do the tough work to see change happen. But we realize that the prognosis for bad character is not good. Only three experiences seem to bring any real change--a stint in prison, serving in the military, or a deep spiritual transformation. We hope the people at eHarmony will be helped by at least one of these experiences.

Folks, if you encounter eHarmony, run--don't walk--away from it as fast as you can. It will not get better with time.

Didn't read the book, but..........2007-01-11

I never read the book, but I have been on e-harmony for 6 months. They were sending me matches the first 2 weeks, but most of "matches" were not responding at all or the people were totally the opposite of me. I manage to meet one single girl out of there in 6 months and as soon as we met we started to laugh because we were so different, that even a stranger could say we weren't a match.
I called e-harmony several times to cancel my membership and have some refund, but they only agreed to prolong my membership without additional expenses. I didnt get ANY matches in the following 6 months, even though I WAS ACCEPTING MATCHES FROM THE ENTIRE USA!!! I calle dagain just to hear excuses.
Now, every time I see the ad on the TV...I just laugh. dont subscribe to these people, its not worth of it. Oh and by the way, I sold the book on ebay for $11.50. Total loss, total waste of time and money.

Sincere & straight forward.......2006-09-28

I especially appreciated Dr. Warren's comments and reflections on character. It is so important. The book is genuine, reads well, and held my attention. He knows what he is talking about. It is thorough and clear.

Excellent advice for people who want to get serious.......2006-09-07

I do life coaching and public speaking for a living, including in the areas of relationship and sexuality. I have read a lot of books on both of these topics and was very pleasantly surprised that this was a solidly written book and not just a lot of hype.

One of the things I most liked about this book was the emphasis on character. Dr. Warren was very direct about what constitutes good character, the likely outcome of dating people with characters disorders and the pivotal importance of being authentic and not dating people who lie.

The author also stressed the importance of compatibility. A lot of people work too hard at relationship because fundamentally, they are not compatible. If they were, things would go a lot easier. There is a section in the book that breaks down compatibility into a number of different dimensions that I thought were an extremely useful lens for people to use when looking for a serious partner.

I also liked the sections on sex and the healthy expression of sexuality. Dr. Warren points out that premature sexuality can often blind you to character faults and compatibility issues. While this is difficult to swallow for a lot of people, it sure seems to be true. He also talks about the importance of sex and sexual compatibility from a space of someone with a lot of experience counseling couples.

The appendices in the book are just as valuable as the text. I particularly liked his sections on the "must haves" and "can't haves." When many people are dating, they are not conscious of what their non-negotiables are and enter into relationship where there are a lot of good things, but one essential ingredient is missing. This is a very seductive dynamic, especially when the beginning of the relationship feels soooo good. However, it's like missing one essential vitamin; it will eventually catch up with you.

Also, there is a great no nonsense section on sexual chemistry. Dr. Warren doesn't side step this important area and he makes it very clear that this is what separates potential friends from potential partners. According to him, there must be sexual chemistry and you either have it or you don't. Without sexual chemistry, people often end up having affairs or feeling guilty that they are not attracted to their partners.

Overall, this book posits a conservative approach to dating. Many people won't be able to live up to all the advice, but the advice is sound and it makes good psychological sense. Some people will find the advice on sex overly conservative, but as adults we need to draw our own lines between the ideal and what is reasonable for ourselves. We don't necessarily have to embody the gold standard, but we can certainly aspire to it.

Another interesting part of this book was the section that stepped through each part of the traditional marriage vows and talked about what each means. The take away point, was not that you just promise to stay together, it's that you promise to do the work to love, honor and respect each other. This section which contained a lot of commentary was a useful reminder of examining your deep intention before taking a walk down the aisle with someone. Sometimes people think when they are just staying together they are keeping their vows, but Dr. Warren points to something more than this as truly living your commitment. I thought this was a good point to make, although in practice I believe that sometimes divorce is the best course for some people. On the other hand, I like that he emphasized that marriage isn't something to be entered into lightly and either is a serious relationship.

Dr. Warren talks a lot about eHarmony in his book and this can sometimes be annoying. I have never tried eHarmony or even looked at it in-depth online. However, whether that website is good or not, the book certainly is, so don't let any impressions you have of eHarmony get in the way of seriously evaluating this book.

In short, the advice in this book is good to keep on your radar with the understanding that life isn't perfect and ideals are often difficult to live up to. Even if you disagree with Dr. Warren, his words are good food for thought and you will at least have a heightened awareness of the trade-offs inherent to less conservative dating approaches.

This is not a book geared toward casual dating or casual sex. The audience is clearly people who are very serious about finding a lifelong partner. If you fall in that category, you can't go wrong. Another good book that complements this one is WILL OUR LOVE LAST by Sam Hamburg.

I don't agree with everything this author says and I don't think he factors in enough compassion for the human condition and the challenges of modern life, especially around getting needs for intimacy and sexuality met. However, there is a lot of wisdom here and anyone can benefit from it.

A problem of the modern world is that it's more complex to find a match than ever and it takes longer because people are more complicated and life is more demanding. While Dr. Warren gives excellent dating advice, he doesn't address how to meet your intimacy and sexual needs while you are involved in a lengthy search for a good partner. Let's face it; the kind of great partners that Dr. Warren is asking us to hold out for don't grow on trees. I wish he wrote section on friends, social support and other coping strategies for what to do in the meantime.

Book Description

Common Sense and a Little Fire traces the personal and public lives of four immigrant women activists who left a lasting imprint on American politics. Though they have rarely had more than cameo appearances in previous histories, Rose Schneiderman, Fannia Cohn, Clara Lemlich Shavelson, and Pauline Newman played important roles in the emergence of organized labor, the New Deal welfare state, adult education, and the modern women's movement.

Orleck takes her four subjects from turbulent, turn-of-the-century Eastern Europe to the radical ferment of New York's Lower East Side and the gaslit tenements where young workers studied together. Drawing from the women's writings and speeches, she paints a compelling picture of housewives' food and rent protests, of grim conditions in the garment shops, of factory-floor friendships that laid the basis for a mass uprising of young women garment workers, and of the impassioned rallies working women organized for suffrage. From that era of rebellion, Orleck charts the rise of a distinctly working-class feminism that fueled poor women's activism and shaped government labor, tenant, and consumer policies through the early 1950s.

Customer Reviews:

a great book on a powerful topic.......2000-12-18

This book chronicles the lives of four working-class Jewish immigrant women from their common start as survivors of the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire through their careers as labor leaders. These women are absolutely astounding American heroes just waiting to be discovered. In addition to her awe-inspiring subject matter, Orleck also employes a readable and interesting writing style that is true to life and avoids becoming bogged down with useless facts. This book reminded me how much one person really can make a difference simply through conviction and perseverance.

Book Description

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Hospitality Management Internship : A Student Workbook

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Hospitality Management Internship : A Student Workbook
Kimberly J. Harris
Manufacturer: Prentice Hall
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
ASIN: B000OIQNI6

Average customer rating:
Solos for Young Violists: Volume 2 (Viola & Piano Parts)
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Manufacturer: Alfred Publishing Company
ProductGroup: Book
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These essays provide a critical investigation of football cultures, examining local and national impacts of the game's new millennial order over five continents.

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The stage is set. Captain Cuddlepuss in one corner (of the couch). Trixie on the other. The debatewho makes the better petcats or dogs? Everyone has an opinionand some are more biased than others. For every lover of dogs (and cats!) this gem of a book will divide the nation.

Creature Comforts Presents Cats or Dogs?

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Creature Comforts Presents Cats or Dogs?

Manufacturer: BOXTREE (MACM)
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
ASIN: B000GW6CFE

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Creature Comforts Presents Cats or Dogs?
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Manufacturer: BOXTREE (MACM)
ProductGroup: Book
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Book Description

Sams Teach Yourself Crystal Reports 9 in 24 Hours guides the reader through understanding data sources, to creating simple reports using the provided report wizards to custom reporting creation, modification and design techniques. Crystal Reports 9 includes unprecedented technological advances and user interface design improvements. Crystal Reports can access data from the most widely used databases and can integrate data from multiple databases within one report.

Download Description

The first beginner-level introduction to the newest and most significantly revised release of Crystal Reports. This book is designed to introduce Crystal Reports X, the newest version of Crystal Reports, a leading software reporting program with over 7 million licenses shipped to date. The vast product enhancements contained in the newest release will drive upgrades from a large number of existing Crystal Reports licensees who will seek a tutorial to help them migrate to the new version. The authors are Crystal Decisions insiders and Crystal Decisions will provide marketing support for this book. Developed by Crystal Decisions, Crystal Reports can access data from most widely used databases and can integrate data from multiple databases within one report. Crystal Reports has been endorsed as the standard program for reporting with over 250 third party vendors. These vendors include Microsoft, SAP, PeopleSoft, Baan, IBM's Lotus, and many others. This book will guide the Crystal Reports users through conceptual topics, such as understanding data sources, to creating simple reports using the provided report wizards to custom reporting creation, modification and design techniques. The newest release includes unprecedented technological advances and user interface design improvements--making for the most significant release enhancement to date. Joe Estes is the manager of the Midwest Systems Engineer team at Crystal Decisions. Kathryn Hunt is a Program Manager at Crystal Decisions in the Product Management Team. Neil FitzGerald manages a team of technical consultants in the NY/New England region for Crystal Decisions. Ryan Marples is a Program Manager at Crystal Decisions.

Customer Reviews:

Very Good Book For Beginners.......2006-10-16

This is a "Teach Yourself" book and as such is very good for beginners. I think this book does an excellent job of clearly explaining how to use Crystal Reports 9 to people who are new to this product. Here are the things that I found really helpful about this book:

1. Clear and Concise Explanation of Concepts
Before covering a topic the authors clearly explain the concepts involved. I found this to be really helpful because I clearly understood the purpose of each feature that was covered.

2. Hands-on Exercises
This book is full with exercises to reinforce the ideas covered and to demonstrate how to perform the most common tasks. It is not enough to simply discuss the concepts discussed. As a new user of CR 9 it is important to actually practise using the product and this book provides numerous exercises to ensure this.

3. Plenty of Screenshots
When you are new to an application it is easy to make mistakes even though the instructions are clearly written. It helps when you have screenshots to show what your screen should look like. That way you can quickly identify where you went wrong. Every important task in this book is accompanied by screenshots.

4. Numerous Practical Examples
This book not only teaches you how to perform a task but also gives practical examples of when you might need to use that feature. For example, when I first read about multiple report sections I started wondering why would I need this feature. As if the authors anticipated this, they quickly followed up with a very good example of needing "to create a form letter for your customers and you need to display only one of two possible return addresses on the letter - an American address for customers based in the United States and a Canadian address for the remainder of your North American customers." They then explain how to accomplish this using multiple report header sections and Conditional Formatting.

I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is new to CR 9.

Good only on one system...........2005-08-17

This item does not work for me. As a mobile consultant I need to access the e-book on my laptop, at home and in the office. I am unable to use the product as intended. In the future, I will stick with printed material. E-Books do not work for technical reference materials!

Comlete waste.......2005-01-16

I am new to Crystal reports but have advanced skills with computers. I have mastered Autocad and program in 3 languages. I tried to use Crytal reports as a free evaulation program because I use Peachtree Accounting. I thought it was ridiculous how the program had very little intuitive structure, so I thought I would get try a supposed "quick easy" book to learn the basic skills. This book spent the 1st several chapters trying to sell you on why Crystal reports is so great. By the time it got to a so called "tutorial" it was no better than the "help" section that comes with Crystal Reports. Its amazing how people can not simplify certain subjects. Crystal Reports is BEGGING another software company to invent a competitive product that is user friendly because theirs is just the opposite!

Get fast experience.......2003-12-24

I wasn't knowing anything about Crystal Reports, then it was needed that I design critical reports about some data, the project system engineers decided that Crystal Reports is the solution.
I bought the book, and it really helped me to do the required job, it took me less than 2 weeks to read it all, and it was really ver helpful.

Good beginner book.......2003-12-10

Lets be honest, any book that says Teach Yourself ... in 24 Hours is a beginner book. And as such, this book is great. I am a application programmer and needed a PRIMER to get started and this book not only allowed me to do that, but allowed me to meet my business critical deadlines on time. Although I may need another book for advanced topics in the future. I find that I can write most of the reports requested of me with this handy book. I even told Crystal Decisions that they should contact the author to have him write their manuals, which are inadequate and hard to follow.

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